Awkward and Awesome Thursday!

Awkward:

Asking the train conductor to re-open the exit door because you’re fat and weak and didn’t make it down the stairs with your luggage in the 3 seconds the door was open.

Driving the exact same speed as the guy in the lane next to you. For like, miles. No matter how I adjust, he does the same. It reminds me of elementary school swing sets. Get out of my shower!

Bending over to pick up Harper’s poop when Sean asks why I’m bending over like that – feet spread wide, hand on hip for support, bending at the waist and groaning. Because that’s how pregnant ladies pick stuff up. No more super sexy bend and snap. PS From now on, poo duty is all yours, sweetheart.

Realizing that it’s safer to sit in the tub to shave your legs because balancing on one foot is no longer possible. What is happening to me?!

Wearing horizontal stripes while expecting. How come no one told me I look like a big jail-bird?!

Awesome:

My sister, the DOCTOR! Very proud of you, BJ!

Everything about being at Casa de Brog for a week! Mama Brog knows how to take care of her babies!

Coming home from a week out of town and seeing your husband! And feeling your baby do crazy spin moves because he missed that voice too.

When Sean has a random Wednesday off work. It’s so much more fun to play on weekdays!

Maternity sessions with mamas who are actually glowing, as opposed to mamas like me who are just sweaty.

 

Awkward and Awesome Thursday!

Awkward:

When you and your husband are dressed like twins but you don’t realize it until you get to the dog park. Grey sweatshirts – check. Grey athletic pants – check. Grey undershirts – Check.

People who wear head-to-toe grey.

Getting whistled at as you step out of your car. And then watching the poor fool’s face as your pregnant belly comes into view. Bet you wish you could take back that whistle!

Having an emotional breakdown at the Animal Shelter. Like, shaking and crying and can’t.get.a.word.out.breakdown. Someone get this crazy lady a chair and a box of tissues, breakdown. Auggie, come home!

Awesome:

Overhearing your husband on the phone. When he’s talking about you. And saying sweet things about how you look cute pregnant.

Harry Potter! I just finished the last book and loved every minute of it!

Second shooting my first wedding on Saturday with this awesome girl! Ohmygoshsoexcited!

Shopping for the baby boy! I get to dress him in pieces that Sean would never wear. I’m currently stockpiling plaid shorts, argyle sweaters, and hoodies with animal ears.

Hurley onesies from TJMaxx. $12.99 for a 5 pack!

Awkward and Awesome Thursday!

Awkward:

The 37 pictures you have to take of yourself before you find the one where you look skinny.

Sean finding the 36 rejects and questioning why I didn’t post the one where my belly looks the biggest. Silly question.

Looking up any uncomfortable ailment in the Pregnancy Book and learning that it’s normal. Since when is having heartburn, a backache, and bloody nose simultaneously considered normal?

When the checker at Target tries to mash all your items into one huge and ridiculously heavy bag. I appreciate you saving the environment and all, but milk and Tide should never go in the same bag. Because now I need to buy paper towels to sop up the milky blue lake that I just created steps from your register.

Awesome:

Time change making evenings with husband and dog soooo much better!

Waiting by the door for our crib to arrive! Oh how the mighty (baby scoffers) fall.

Cheerios! With strawberries! I eat you for every meal!

Have a good day!

Awkward and Awesome Thursday!

Awkward:

Toilets that flush automatically. Worst invention ever! One of two things will always happen: 1, there will still be pee in the water, demonstrating inadequate flushing after the previous use; or 2, the sensor will be so strong that it flushes mid steam and your rear gets sucked to China.

When people sing you Happy Birthday. What the heck are you supposed to do while they drag it out for 47 seconds? Smile? Contemplate your forthcoming wish? Stare at the obscene number of candles? Four verses get uncomfortable fast.

The way I spend a full hour on my ponytail before I meet my friend and hairstylist for lunch. I don’t want her to think the only day my hair looks good is salon day. Even though that’s pretty much the case.

That I addressed my Valentine’s Day card to Sexy Husband. And he addressed his card to Sweet Wife. He may as well have addressed it to Formerly Hot Lover Who Still Has a Nice Personality Even Though Her Buns are the Size of Texas. 

Awesome:

Skipping the C-cup altogether. My lady lumps are living large.

The sweat pant. So warm. So cozy. So versatile. And so acceptable to wear to the store, gym, doctor, etc. when you’re pregnant. Forgive me, Stacy London. I’ll get dressed  in July.

Our trip to Fresno last weekend to celebrate my friend Alisha! 30 looks good on you, girl!

 

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

Awkward:

When sneezing=peeing. Didn’t see that coming.

SQEEEEEZING into your regular jeans because you need to feel skinny for a minute. And then realizing this has the exact opposite effect. Pregnant sausage anyone?

Renting at Red Box. Please don’t stand 3 inches behind me as I shiver in the cold while trying to select a movie that I’ve actually heard of. These things take time.

Returning at Red Box. Can you please hurry up and pick something already so I don’t have to shiver in the cold while waiting to return my crappy movie?!

Awesome:

LEMONADE! My latest craving!

Next week is Sean’s last out-of-town job! It will be nice to snuggle with someone who doesn’t have a tail.

This movie that I cannot wait to see! I sort of love Rachel McAdams.

Awkward and Awesome Thursday!

Yeah folks! It’s back. And lucky for you, being pregnant is almost entirely awkward. So let the games begin.

Awkward:

Having blood drawn for my first prenatal panel. The young male phlebotomist decides to break the ice with this gem: So, you like to party? 

Trying to buy Hornsby’s hard cider at Vons and the “must be my first day on the job” checker scrutinizes my ID, then calls for a second opinion. Then they proceed to quiz me on what year I graduated and how old I was during the OJ Simpson trial. If I was an underage girl trying to buy liquor, would I be wearing sweatpants?

When your midwife asks what you had for breakfast. And you tell her the truth: chocolate cake.

Awesome:

Aforementioned midwife saying cake is okay for breakfast as long as you wash it down with calcium rich milk. Done and done.

Having a birthday that always falls on a 3 day weekend! Thank you, MLK Jr!

MATERNITY JEANS! I do not understand why all denim does not come with an elastic waistband. I can eat all I want and I never have to unbutton my jeans at the end of a meal.

This video:

Ima go run and get me some special juice. Have a rad Thursday!

Awkward and Awesome Thursday!

I’ve been a lame blogger lately. Sorry about that. Maybe you’ll forgive me if I make you laugh…

 

Awkward:

Our third date. We were talking about naming our kids, which is awkward enough if you stop there, but it got even more uncomfortable when Sean came up with a name that was a hybrid of both our names: Shashley. Apparently he forgot he was on a date with Amber, not Ashley. Smooth.

Lisa Simpson’s voice! Cannot stand it! But Sean insists on watching The Simpsons whenever it’s on… which is more often than all the Law & Orders combined!

Helping a nice customer the other day, and finding out her name is Terry Cloth. Seriously. What are the chances a girl named Theresa will end up marrying a guy with the last name Cloth?!

Going to grab a beer with 10 of my softball teammates after a game. And being the only one to get carded.

Awesome:

Going to grab a beer with 10 of my softball teammates after a game. And being the only one to get carded!

WordPress! After every post, I get an encouraging message: This is your 73rd post. Wild!

Dexter! It’s back on and now we have Showtime. Yesssss!

My parents who came to visit this weekend! Love you guys so so much and miss you already!

Have a good Thursday! xo

Awkward and Awesome Thursday!

Hey y’all. Still no Internet but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a little awkward. So let us commence.

Awkward:

Telling my friend that I think Julia Stiles isn’t so cute anymore. Then some other girl chimes in with, “But you look JUST like her!”

Wearing a dress to work that is slightly shorter than normal and thinking, “this should be fine; it’s not like I ever bend over.” Except that yesterday I did have to bend over, all day long. It’s like the customers knew my dilemma and were dropping things on purpose, just to laugh while I tried in vain not to expose myself.

Trying to find a way to pick up decorative turkey pieces off the floor while wearing a too-short dress. Basically impossible to look like a lady. So I went out and bought leggings. Day saved. And coincidentally, nothing else was dropped after I was dressed to perform the perfect bend and snap.

Awesome:

Costco! My whole day revolves around that magical trip.

Internet AND TV scheduled for install on Monday! Woot!

Fall! Looks like it, smells like it. Best.season.period.

Beach camping! Leaving later and so so ready for one last jaunt in the sand!

 

See you guys next week!

Awkward and Awesome Thursday!

Awkward:

The 17 different ways I misspell awakward.

Explaining to the vet that Harper keeps licking her lady business. She hollers, “Um, do you mean vagina?!” Well, yes. You don’t have to get all graphic.

Walking out of a bar after a softball celebration in my game jersey. These guys are oogling the nearly naked girls in front of me, and one guy looks at me and says, “Sporty Spice was the ugly one.” Fair. However, you MAN just made a Spice Girls reference, so who’s the biggest loser in the world?

Buying a bra at Victoria’s Secret, for two reasons:

1. Having to get measured the second you walk in the door. My girls have not grown since I bought my last push up, so back off. Trust me when I say I would notice er, improvements.

2. Trying on bras from the “bra box” which is really just a box of the filthiest bras that have been tried on by every 34C in SLO.

Awesome:

Pink team kicking red buns in the championship game! What?!

Borrowing large print books from the library. It makes me feel good when I read 57 pages instead of 12.

Knowing that in approximately 13 days, I can open my Fall storage bins and decorate the entire house with pumpkins and leafy garlands! Sean is delighted!

Our pup.

Enjoy your day!

Awkward and Awesome Thursday!

Awkward:

When you try to give a teammate a high-five but they suddenly turn around. So you have to decide: are you that guy who taps them on the back so they can see that you’ve been left hanging, or do you turn that high-five into a big thumbs up and wave at all around like that’s what you intended to do the whole time.

Using a public restroom that isn’t fresh smelling. And feeling so embarrassed when you leave that you let everyone in line know that “it wasn’t me.”

When you’re all alone and you think it’s safe to let one go and then someone turns the corner and walks right into it! This is awkward at home, and much much more awkward at work. So I hear.

Awesome:

Being a bridesmaid! Congrats Amy and Tim!

Climbing a fence because the neighbor kid is too big of a baby to do it! I can’t really move today, but I’m one BA adult! Yeah!

My new lens! Who wants to model?! PS Anyone want to buy my 50 mm 1.8D?

Have a good Thursday!