I used to imagine how I’d tell my adoring husband that our dreams were coming true because we were finally pregnant. I would come out of the bathroom wearing a big, cheesy smile on my face and he would be waiting expectantly on the sofa. He would see the twinkle in my eye and rush over to sweep me off my feet. We would laugh and dance around the kitchen knowing that our perfectly timed little miracle was cooking away in my belly.
But now that I’m an adult, I realize that life and romantic comedies are 2 very different worlds. I found out we were pregnant on a Tuesday night. Sean was working out-of-town so I was all alone and freaking out! And I wasn’t wearing a big, cheesy smile; I was wearing my retainer. There was no twinkle in my eye either; only shock and confusion. Don’t get my wrong – I know where babies come from. But we were careful, or so I thought. No dancing in the kitchen for me and dreamy husband. Instead, I sat in a heap on the sofa and spent the evening talking out my fears and frustrations with Jesus. One verse that was heavy on my heart was Psalm 139:13 – For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I’ve known this verse for years, but I’ve always read it as though the Lord was speaking to me. He created me; he knit me together; God cares for me. Yet suddenly, for the very first time, this verse was not about me at all. It was about this perfect little baby in my belly, and I was simply the vessel entrusted to care for her.
For those of you who really know me, you understand that I’m not all mushy about babies. I was on the fence about whether I even wanted to be a parent. So the fact that God was able to change my heart, my entire thought process, in just a single moment, speaks to how awesome and transformative His love truly is. I still have many moments of frustration and selfishness, but I’m looking forward to the ways in which God will continue to transform my heart. Ready or not, this show is not about me anymore. And I couldn’t be happier. 🙂