I know I promised this weeks ago. Forgive meeeeee!
Standing in the checkout line at Target, searching frantically (and in vain) for my RedCard, when suddenly an enormous pair of nude, full-covereage cotton panties comes flying out of my purse and over the counter. The horror on my face and poor teenage cashier Will’s face at the realization that there is now a giant pair of flesh-toned underwear just sitting on the conveyer belt. Just sitting. Right there next to my toothpaste and nail polish. Just sitting for me and Will and the cute college girl behind me to see. And then there’s the thought bubbles that I KNOW must be popping up in their sweet, young heads: why on earth does this slightly disorganized yet seemingly normal woman carry around spare panties in her purse? Wait, are they WORN? Eww. That will never be me. I will always be young and attractive and in control of my bladder. Dream on kids. And pass me my briefs.
Needing to carry around extra Fruit of the Looms because you’re freaking huge and pregnant and can’t be bothered to practice your kegel exercises three times a day. And what if you’re out running errands and suddenly there’s a puddle and you need to jump over it? Or what if you laugh, or cough, or sneeze? Better to have a spare pair than have to run home for the third time in the same day.
Google searching any question that ends with “during pregnancy.” Because you know what the answer is, every single time? Oh, that’s completely NORMAL. Chin hairs? Normal. Skin tags? No worries. Night sweating? Absolutely. Day sweating? No big deal. Memory loss? Part of the package. Blonde hair turning brown? Yup. Bloody noses? Sure. Sciatic nerve pain? Yes. Huge puffy feet that can’t fit into tennis shoes which is fine because you can’t bend over far enough to tie them anyway? All completely normal symptoms of carrying a human in your womb. So ladies, please enjoy your new normal.
Our outfits these days. Atascadero-chic.
Finally being able to share these awkward stories with someone other than Sean! Because he is just not my target audience and he doesn’t get it. A good-looking man who has never peed his pants in public will not understand my pain.
The fact that our kitchen cabinets are going to be installed this weekend (all fingers and toes crossed)! This has been, like, 5 years in the making so I’m equal parts totally excited and absolutely expecting that something will go wrong. Hopefully it’s the former and I’ll tell you all about it next week. 🙂
This flush faced cherub. He has no idea we’re living through the most challenging time. He’s just all happy and all boy and all relaxing on our concrete floors.